I want to tell YOU my WHOLE  story but Im afraid you would think I want your pity …NOOO ..just understood ..I dont want to get OVER IT..THAT JUST LEAVES IT THERE TO REVISIT AGAIN & AGAIN…

UNANSWERED QUESTIONS !

I HAVE TO GO THROUGH IT SAFELY SO IT CANT HAUNT ME.NOR SNEAK UP ON ME, WHEN EVER A MEMORY OR FEAR OR STRESS OR ANYTHING POSSIBALLY RELATED TO IT , OR FEELS OR SMELLS ,OR RESEMBLES ONE OF MANY MANY TRAUMAS.THAT HAS OCCURRED. FROM AS YOUNG AS I CAN REMEMBER..THAT I LEARNED TO HIDE. FROM LITTERALLY…TO HIDE FROM MENTALLY & SPIRITUALLY ….TO BLOCK IT OUT LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED…I LEARNED VERY YOUNG TO NEVER EVER FOCUS ON ME AND WHAT I REALLY NEEDED.KEEP THAT FOCUS OFF OF ME.OR ALL THAT WAS HIDDEN I WOULD HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT AND FEEL IT ALL OVER AGAIN…I HAD NO IDEA HOW MUCH HAD ACTUALLY HAPPENED EXCEPT A COUPLE MAJOR TRAUMAS THAT THOUGH I DID HAVE FRIENDS TO LEAN ON ..I DONT THINK WE EVER SPOKE ABOUT IT EVER AGAIN…BUT I CARRIED THE FLASHBACKS FOR YEARS LITTERALY EVERYTIME I CLOSED MY EYES….BUT I WASNT TO TALK ABOUT IT..AFTER ALL TEY MOVED ME ACROSS COUNTRY TO GET AWAY FROM IT …..im peacing this toger as. I can remeber it .while my emotions have been bagged again.

But they could never understand .how could they..the day i got shot in the head and lived to tell about it .i had to be in court for my only real brothers death. I was walked in with two my best friends on my side. Everyone was there i remember .my mom.my half sister donna .half brother Tom..I even remeber Donna snide remark ..whats wrong with her…SHE WAS JUST SHOT IN THE HEAD.S.I THINK THEY TOLD HER I WAS STILL IN SHOCK.. THEY COUKD ONLY WAK ME TO THE COURTROOM DOOR ..I REMEMBER EVERYONE ON ONE SIDE ..ON OTHER SIDE I REMEBER SEEING MY DAD IN THE BACK PEW..I SAT DOWN ON THE SIDE HE. WAS ON ..BUT RIGHT UP FRONT….IREMEBER ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AFTERWARDS..FOR HOW LONG I STILL DONT KNOW…